Anticipatory anxiety

Anticipatory anxiety

I remember as if it were yesterday when I was training and our teacher started talking about the remedies for anticipatory anxiety. That’s when you worry about what’s ahead - about what you might do, not what you have done. It can be as trivial as a long drive the next day, or as serious as a job interview, but the results are often the same:  lots of anxiety and fretting, insomnia or bad dreams, digestive and urinary issues (frequent weeing and diarrhoea, usually, but sometimes it’s being windy or even vomiting), and an inability to think of anything else.

For me, it is irredeemably tied in with a lack of self confidence and a fear of failure. I might worry that the car will break down, or that I will have an accident. I could start to imagine ‘worst play scenarios’ - and I have a great imagination! All of these imaginings and concern happen as soon as I get to bed at night. The minute I put my book down and turn out the light, I’m might go off into this world of failure and catastrophe.

The sad thing is that as a condition, anxiety really can affect your performance. The sleeplessness makes you tired and grumpy, the imaginings wear you out, the physical aspects are unpredictable and in themselves cause more anxiety (‘What happens if I need the loo in the middle of my presentation?’) and shaky hands and a lump in the throat don’t help you to look the confident and able person you really are.

What are the things that can help? Well, I suggest you start with my blog re remedies for performance anxiety - there may well be something that can help you there. If you find the right remedy, then I suggest you get a bottle and take it whenever this sort of anxiety is an issue for you.

Another approach is to try constitutional homeopathic treatment. In this process, you and your homeopath will talk about the where/why/how of your anxiety, and Tamzin  or I will match your symptoms with the symptoms of the right remedy for you. It’s always an interesting process, that often helps our patients identify the source of their anxieties, and we frequently discuss ways of managing anxiety and an overactive imagination.

One of the things that really helps me is preparation, preparation, preparation. If I am travelling a distance and I am worried about it, I will not only put the co-ordinates in my sat nav, I’ll also download and print the directions. I’ll check that they tally with my sat nav, and I will even plan my stopping places. I’ll certainly give myself plenty of time if my arrival is time-critical. I’ll look at the weather reports and make sure I have the right equipment in the car - the snow shovel and spare blankets if it’s cold, the waterproofs and boots if it’s wet. I’ll make sure my phone is charged before I go, and if I am still worrying about anything else I can do something about, I’ll make sure I have what I need on board.

If I am worried about a lecture or presentation I am giving, I will prepare meticulously. I’ll write and print a complete script, and I’ll practice it to make sure I get the timings right. I’ll have my handouts pre-printed, my powerpoint loaded onto my laptop and also on a memory stick.

All of this preparation really helps me not to worry so much. Many years ago, I wrote out the ‘Serenity Prayer’ for a calligraphy project, and it really stayed with me. It’s the one that goes:-

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

And of course, it’s a really helpful aphorism if you apply it to anxiety. To me, it says:

Don’t worry about the things you cannot change. Accept that the car might crash, that you might not get the job. Life will mostly just go on. And your worry does not change anything - it just makes you miserable, and sleepless, and more likely to get ill. Be wise enough to recognise that your anxiety is profitless, and let go of trying to control the uncontrollable.

 If you are worrying about something you can do something about, then do it! Just write that report, or prepare that interview, don’t sit around worrying about it. Do the work - when it’s over you will feel so much better, and if you are still worrying, you’ll have time to tinker with it and make it perfect. You are no longer a student, leaving assignments till the night before - you are a grown up who thinks ahead and takes responsibility for what happens to you.

So when you are worrying, consider this -

‘Can I make this better?

 If yes - do I really want to? Can I be bothered? Because if not, let’s work on accepting the things that don’t matter enough for me to change them.

If no - then I need to accept that shit happens, and that in life I will have to roll with the punches. It would be awful to die in an accident, or lose a child to illness, but once I have done all that I reasonably can to prevent that happening, then I have to let it go. I can’t let worrying about the future negatively affect today, because today is really all I have.’

None of us know what will happen tomorrow, but we know that we have today. That has to be enough!